Relief from being a let down . . .

I found old sermon notes today from a sermon that was who-knows how long ago...but being that I typed them out and saved them on a hard drive, I figured they were worth rereading! :)

So...The sermon was on Fear of the Lord. The meaning or impact I got from the notes today was completely different. Amazing how a message can affect you in such variation from day to day. Well reading the words gave me a ton of comfort because of what is on my mind today. I hope you all enjoy and I hope it gives you reflection and a challenge in your own life.

Here is what I got from it:

Reading this today gave me a multitude of relief. Encouragement. I have so many situations surrounding me that have me "heavy." While trying to live my own life, I am trying to keep everyone else happy. I am trying to make decisions and nurture relationships, heck just trying to maintain relationships. I am trying to hold everything in balance, which I am not so great at! I am juggling so many things and yet GOD is asking me to let them go! Let them all go completely. It is not up to me to hold it together. It is my duty to make sure I am taking care of myself and living life to the best of my ability. Rather than monitoring the affairs of everyone else, I need to discipline myself to care for myself. I have wasted so much time. I think a big part of that is to distract myself from what truly needs to be taken care of. My own hurts, my grievances, my grudges, anger, insecurities.

I need to focus on making my life reflect the life I want people around me to have, a blessed life. I need to develop a Fear of the Lord enabling me to make quicker decisions based on what would please the Father, not those around me. I cannot carry the weight of everyone's happiness on my shoulders. It isn’t what I am called to. And in doing so I am missing opportunities to fulfill my own calling.

So in making decisions based on my Fear of the Lord I realize people will turn from me. I realize I will lose favor with some. But I need to live what I believe and my conscience will be far less burdened with guilt. Afterall, I cant be everything to everyone. Sometimes you do, as an individual, have to bow out gracefully and take care of you! The guilt I carry for being unavailable to others is a crutch for me. It keeps my potential limited.

In nurturing my own health, physically, mentally and spiritually, I hope to be more equipped to help others!

Perspective

I'm sitting at the gym watching a class of four year olds run a "torch" around the gym (with no clue they are exercising!) Its Olympics day at gymnastics. Got me thinking about perspective. Mainly because of the heavy guilt trip this moment gave me, for not having been to gym myself in ... lets just say a while. ha.

Perspective energizes people. Motivates their desires and justifies their distastes. Perspective is the point of view by which you live. And anyone who thinks their perspective is not affecting their actions is blind to the influence sight holds.

The young 21 year old who lost his life this past week on the lunge course for the Olympics had a perspective that lead him to not only his death, but his life as well. His perspective was on the gold. Realistically he was fearful of the journey, but his perspective gave him courage. Although it is a sad story and a hard concept to swallow, that young boy deserves to be admired. His perspective motivated him past his fear. It landed him on an Olympian team at the age 21!

Perspective allows a grieving mother stand before a huge crowd of tear filled gazes and speak of how blessed she was to be her daughter's mother for 12 years. Perspective that her daughters passing was not loss in entirety, it was also a blessed gain. Perspective reveals the lives that were affected and the love shared. Perspective gave her not only closure, but confidence that her daughter was in a better place!

As teams face their rivals and people face their fears, when sick face their disease and marriage faces destruction, perspective causes that next step. However, perspective can cause you to step back as easily as it can drive you to step forward. You choose which perspective you will take.

Albert Einstein mentioned that "In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity." Perspective gives you the discernment to see it. Perspective gives the strength to pursue it. Perspective gives you the motivation to claim it!

Alexander Duma made an incredible point when he said "There is neither happiness nor misery in the world; there is only the comparison of one state to another, nothing more. He who has felt the deepest grief is best able to experience supreme happiness. We must have felt what it is to die, that we may appreciate the enjoyments of life." Although we all have a story, we all develop a perspective from it. We can choose to see life through bitter retaliation or hopeful expectation. It is only when your heart experiences true heartbreak or a difficult trials, that you value the blessings and the benefits of life. With out the valleys the mountain tops aren't nearly as majestic!

Breath in a perspective today that allows you to live life to its fullest!

In memory of an incredible blessing!

So as always...when my heart hurts, my fingers find the keys...sweet relief. To take the pain and put it on paper somehow comforts me. I don't know what brings pain on. I'm not sure if it is just life in general or memories that taunt my emotions. But it can be even the best of days that bring pain, as easily as the worst.

Sometimes the strain of open wounds can bring me to my knees. Others, the joy of a peaceful day gives time for reflection on missed memories. Tonight, its the latter. Today was a wonderful day. Today was peaceful, simple, and fulfilling. Today I loved on three amazing children. Today I was told "I love you" by a four year old with no inhibitions. A child who speaks exactly what she feels and is not afraid to say it! And somehow...those words..."I love you" are completely different coming from a child. Children say what they want...I love you, I hate you, I want you to go away, I miss you, ... they don't hold back and they don't worry about how it will be taken or what the outcome will be. It is raw and its honest!

I am blessed! Truly blessed to have a career that surrounds me with such honesty! I wish I learned more how to be so honest in return. How to not care ... but to just speak the truth of my emotions. I'm mad. I'm hurt. I'm sad. I miss you. I love you.

So all that to say, I have dealt inwardly for over a month. Truth be known, with most things in my life I do that. I hold it all inside and I deal, until the emotions pass. However, sometimes it just becomes too much.

The best part of working with children is that when they love you, you do not question it. You can trust it! And that love both given to you and by you becomes a life long commitment! When you love a child...you love them forever. Any parent can attest. That love produces hope for them, joy in them, encouragement for them and pride in who they become.

The worst part about my job is when that love leads you into a situation where you feel pain that is inconceivable. When a child loses his way and chooses to betray the morals they were taught, or when fear of them facing pain, both mental or physical, consumes you. Or in this case, when pain of losing a child envelopes you.

I am a 28 year old single female with no children, of my own. But I have had the privilege of LOVING and caring for more children than I can count. I am not their parent, nor would I ever try to overstep into that position. But 20 years from now...they can count on me still having that same sense of pride in who they are. The same hope for who they can become, and the same joy in loving them.

In October, Hallee Cartwright passed away. I nannied her and her sister for 2 1/2 years. They were two precious and energetic kids! They were full of life, and I was blessed to spend most every day of those years with them. At that time, so many people asked me why I worked such long hours or would be there at the first ring of my phone...For each birthday, or special occasion. And today I look back and see that it wasn't dedication for my job...it was dedication for those girls! It was because I loved who they were and I was proud of their accomplishments, however big or small. And now, having lost one of them, I wish I would have been there even more. I wish I could have just one more memory, or story to reflect on. One more laugh, or even tear...so long as it was with her.

And with where I am now...that is why I love what I do...because every moment is special. Even if it seems insignificant to us...it is one more memory we will have later! So don't miss out...Don't over look or trade those moments...

We are not guaranteed another hour...you hear the statement ever so often...but truth is, we aren't! We have this moment, right now. And it is up to us to seize those moments or miss them...and trust me on the side of the situation where you don't have any more opportunities...you want to know you had all the moments you could.